Yo’ Mamas!

What Part Of “Ride-Or-Die Chic” Don’t Y’all Understand?

I’m not one to air my Black people’s dirty laundry in public, but I’ve been catching way too many Brothers espousing shit on videos with titles like, “Black Women Are Emasculating the Black Man”, “Attack On Alpha Males”, “Black Women Don’t Need The Black Man”, “The ‘Arrogant’ Black Woman”, “Why Black Men Don’t Defend Black Women”, “Black Women Think They’re Too Good for Black Men”. “Black Women Think Their Shit Don’t Stink Too” (well, I didn’t actually see that last one, but I’m sure there’s a video with that title somewhere on YouTube)

And Fellas,  I know these dudes are in the minority, but I just can’t help putting a question to them: “When have Black men EVER needed submissive, weak, indecisive Black women?”  Hmmm, let me think, could it have been when the “colonizers” came to Africa stalking Black bodies to bring back to their country for free black labor? Was it when the white slavers convinced others of our clan to help round us up and drive us onto boats to parts unknown in America and Europe, separating us from our kith and kin?

Or did you need meek, obedient Black women when we landed together on the shores of those foreign lands, stripped of  garments and our humanity and sold off like cattle to white men and women who would come to use and abuse us like the property we were  considered to be?

Or how about when, after four centuries together as slaves fighting to keep our families alive; our minds, our spirits and our backs from breaking, we finally had our “freedom”, but was then broad-sided by a whole new set of restrictive laws, prohibitions, terrorism and injustices put forth by enraged former enslavers, white folks in general and their lawmakers. Did the Black man need a helpless, submissive woman then?

“When have Black men EVER needed submissive, weak, indecisive Black women?”

Would it be when we marched in protest, side-by-side against crippling, racist hate across this nation and beyond, braving murder, rape, hangings, beatings, bombings, attack dogs, water cannons, imprisonment, degradation and humiliation? Would we have been better off letting your alpha-maleness do ALL the walkin’ and talkin’ while we stayed home, played bridge, made finger sandwiches and went to social teas with the ladies?

Who is it that you share the exact same incredible history with, with each passing tick of the clock? Who do you think was riding and dying with you all these centuries, so long and so far away from our ancestral home, that all we have left are the vague remembrances of long gone great-grands, grands and parents’, growing up Black in America? Who do you see on the front lines, enraged and fighting for justice when our children, ESPECIALLY our young boys, are being shot and killed at the hands of other young Black boys and the cops?

Was there ever a moment in the lives of Black women in the diaspora — delivered everywhere on the globe via the Atlantic Slave Trade — where we have had the luxury of sitting back and relaxing, letting our hair down and allowing the men do all the freedom-fighting?

If it’s at all possible, its like our very DNA has been imprinted with the ability to be in combat-ready mode at a moments notice, with our big mouths, our bright eyes, our cutting tongues, fierce hearts and powerful bodies. On the Battlefield of Everyday Life For Black Folks, Black men can look across the foxhole and see us there, locked and loaded, watching their backs and taking down the enemy right alongside of them.

We have never NOT been the tough, bad-ass, down women you see standing beside you now! The ones you’ve loved, needed and depended on. Check your ancestry my Brothas.

And yo’, we’re far from perfect and yeah, there are times when we’re just dead wrong! But our good and greater intentions have always been with you. Don’t be angry now because we want y’all to RECOGNIZE. And don’t get us twisted with them other chics, cus riding shot-gun takes kick-ass guts, nerves-of-steel and good aim!

The consequences and repercussions of our history together is what has shaped us both into what we are today, and as I see it, its been a necessary evolution. Your strength has and always will be what makes US strong. And our strength will always be yours.

So the next time you guys decide to upload one of those ratched videos to your social page or when you and your fellow bros get together and knock your wives, girlfriends, co-workers, mothers, sisters, daughters or women you don’t even know, for being too loud, too strong, too independent, too controlling, too demanding, too fierce,  just ask yourselves one question: “Where would I be without them?”

Because Black women know we’d be NOTHING and NOWHERE without you.

Love Y’all,


Jill Scott-The Fact Is (I Need You)

Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds, Vol. 2 (2004)

I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I’ve been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it’s hard because I’m scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don’t change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we’ll make
Make sure he’s loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don’t change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you’ve done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you



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